Satan Uses Past Relationship Wounds to Trick People into Believing They Have the Gift of Singleness
To uncover Satan’s deception about the gift of singleness, we need to first look at the true reasons God gives this gift. And singleness is a gift from God according to the Bible (1 Corinthians 7:7). And some people really do have this gift. But this gift is not given because you are afraid of getting hurt again due to past wounds.
Rather, God gives people the gift of singleness when someone has the desire to fully focus on him in ministry without needing to also focus on the gift of marriage (1 Corinthians 7:32-35), if they lack an uncontrollable desire for sexual pleasure in marriage (1 Corinthians 7:9), and when this person is happy to be single rather than married, like Paul was (1 Corinthians 7:7, 40).
There is no Bible verse stating past wounds from a previous relationship are a holy motive to remain single. I’m not saying people should force themselves to get married or date if they are still too wounded to want a relationship. I’m just saying that being afraid of getting hurt is not a sign someone has the biblical gift of singleness. Rather, this is a sign this person needs healing.
Satan wants you to live out of your woundedness, not your fullness in Christ. He wants you to make decisions about your future based upon the hurts in your past. As 2 Timothy 1:7 (NIV) states, “For the Spirit God gave us does not make us timid, but gives us power, love and self-discipline.”
Satan Uses False Teachers Who Forbid Marriage for Unbiblical Reasons to Trick You to Think You Have the Gift of Singleness
Satan has deceived many Christians into believing that a desire for marriage is a sign you don’t love God as much as those who choose a life of singleness. But as 1 Corinthians 7:7 clearly states about the gift of marriage and singleness, “But each has his own gift from God, one of one kind and one of another.”
1 Corinthians 7 teaches us that marriage is better for those who can serve God better in marriage rather than singleness; and singleness is better for those who can serve God better in singleness. It does not say singleness is always better for everyone. (I explain that more thoroughly in this article: Does the Bible Say Singleness Is Better than Marriage?) Satan uses false teachers to twist the word of God and prevent godly marriages. For as 1 Timothy 4:1-5 states:
“Now the Spirit expressly says that in later times some will depart from the faith by devoting themselves to deceitful spirits and teachings of demons, through the insincerity of liars whose consciences are seared, who forbid marriage and require abstinence from foods that God created to be received with thanksgiving by those who believe and know the truth. For everything created by God is good, and nothing is to be rejected if it is received with thanksgiving, for it is made holy by the word of God and prayer.”
Don’t forget, God is the one who made marriage and God is the one who blesses some people with the gift of marriage. Peter was married and Paul was single. Your desire for marriage does not disqualify you from serving God fully. Rather, God wants you to use marriage if he’s given you that gift as a way of increasing your effectiveness to serve him (1 Peter 3:7).
Therefore, if you have come to believe you have the gift of singleness because you have been wrongly taught you can’t love God fully if you choose marriage, this is a sign Satan is deceiving you.
Satan Lies About the Goodness of God to Trick You to Believe God Wants You Single
Many people wrongly believe that God gives us desires to test our love for him. Satan wants us to believe that God always wants us to choose the opposite of what we want. Of course if a desire is sinful God does want us to reject it. But if you have an unmet longing for something good, like for marriage, this does not mean God is simply testing you, as though he wants you to give this desire up so you can choose God instead.
God is not opposed to marriage. God made marriage. Rather than choosing God over marriage, God wants you to put him first in your desire for marriage. He wants you to seek marriage for his glory just like he wants you to do everything else for his glory too (1 Corinthians 10:31).
This is the lie that Satan used against Adam and Eve. He tricked them into believing that God was not good and that God did not want to satisfy their desires in good ways. And so instead of following God, they rejected God and chose their own way (Genesis 3:1-7).
The truth is that God gives us good desires and in his timing, he will fulfill those good desires in his way. For as Psalm 103:1-5 (NIV) explains:
“Praise the Lord, my soul; all my inmost being, praise his holy name. Praise the Lord, my soul, and forget not all his benefits— who forgives all your sins and heals all your diseases, who redeems your life from the pit and crowns you with love and compassion, who satisfies your desires with good things so that your youth is renewed like the eagle’s.”