Just because a judge says you’re divorced doesn’t necessarily mean your marriage covenant has ended in the eyes of God.
Can you commit adultery while you’re married? Absolutely! The Bible is very clear about adultery, and Jesus gave a specific exception concerning fornication when teaching about divorce and remarriage.
“And I say unto you, Whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery.” — Matthew 19:9 (KJV)
Jesus didn’t say you could divorce your spouse because you fell out of love, weren’t happy, had disagreements, or decided your marriage wasn’t what you expected. He gave an exception for fornication. Read Matthew 5:31–32, Matthew 19:3–9, Mark 10:2–12, and Luke 16:18.
Even when sexual unfaithfulness has occurred, Scripture gives us a beautiful example of forgiveness and restoration through the prophet Hosea.
“Then said the LORD unto me, Go yet, love a woman beloved of her friend, yet an adulteress, according to the love of the LORD toward the children of Israel…” — Hosea 3:1 (KJV)
God instructed Hosea to love his unfaithful wife. His marriage became a picture of God’s relationship with Israel. Jeremiah 3:8 describes God giving unfaithful Israel a bill of divorce, yet in Jeremiah 3:12–14, God calls Israel to repent and return to Him.
If God can forgive and restore, shouldn’t His people be willing to do the same?
Now here is where I believe much of modern Christianity has departed from the plain teaching of Scripture.
What happens when a husband-and-wife divorce without adultery?
Paul gives us the answer.
“And unto the married I command, yet not I, but the Lord, Let not the wife depart from her husband: But and if she depart, let her remain unmarried, or be reconciled to her husband: and let not the husband put away his wife.” — 1 Corinthians 7:10–11 (KJV)
Read that again!
REMAIN UNMARRIED OR BE RECONCILED TO YOUR SPOUSE!
Not find another husband or wife. Not start dating somebody else. Paul directs them toward remaining unmarried or reconciliation.
Jesus said, “What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.” — Mark 10:9 (KJV)
Romans 7:2–3 and 1 Corinthians 7:39 also describe the marriage bond as lasting while a spouse lives. Christians differ over how these passages relate to the exceptions discussed elsewhere in Scripture, but the seriousness of the marriage covenant cannot be ignored.
A LEGAL DIVORCE DOES NOT AUTOMATICALLY SETTLE YOUR OBLIGATIONS BEFORE GOD!
Think about that for a moment. You may have a divorce decree, but if your marriage covenant remains binding in God’s eyes, you are still very much married.
So why are you flirting with somebody else?
What about those late-night phone calls, private text messages, emails, Messenger conversations, and social media friendships with someone of the opposite sex that you never would have entertained while living with your spouse?
That can become emotional unfaithfulness, and it can be every bit as dangerous to the future of your marriage as the temptation toward physical adultery.
Jesus said:
“But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart.” — Matthew 5:28 (KJV)
Adultery isn’t limited to the physical act. Jesus warned us about what takes place in the heart. We cannot entertain romantic or lustful relationships outside our marriage and pretend our hearts are innocent.
AND WHERE IS THE CHURCH IN ALL OF THIS?
For centuries, the Christian church has taught the sacredness and permanence of marriage, although different traditions have disagreed about the grounds for divorce and remarriage.
Today, too many churches seem more concerned about accommodating people’s desires than preaching the difficult teachings of Scripture.
Paul warned us:
“For the time will come when they will not endure sound doctrine; but after their own lusts shall they heap to themselves teachers, having itching ears.” — 2 Timothy 4:3 (KJV)
We have people searching for a preacher who will justify their decisions instead of seeking godly counsel that will challenge them to obey God’s Word.
It’s an embarrassment when divorce becomes as commonplace in the church as it is in the world. The church ought to be leading the way in repentance, forgiveness, restoration, and strong Christian families.
NOW, WHAT ABOUT MARRIAGES THAT ARE STRUGGLING?
Of course husbands and wives have problems! Of course there will be disagreements, disappointments, hurt feelings, and difficult seasons.
That’s why we need forgiveness, repentance, humility, prayer, and godly counsel.
If there is physical violence, threats, intimidation, or verbal and emotional abuse, get help immediately. You may need to separate for safety, involve authorities, and seek qualified professional help.
Protect yourself and your children. Forgiveness does not require remaining in danger, and reconciliation must never be forced or rushed. Genuine repentance includes accountability and lasting change.
For marriages where reconciliation is safe and possible, don’t give up simply because restoration requires hard work.
NOBODY EVER SAID LIVING FOR JESUS WAS GOING TO BE EASY!
It’s like working out in the gym. It isn’t always easy getting up early, pushing yourself through another workout, or adding another two or five pounds to your deadlift. But you prepare yourself mentally because you know the results are worth the effort.
Marriage requires that same determination. There will be difficult days. There will be times when forgiveness isn’t easy, when rebuilding trust takes time, and when you need the wisdom of your pastor and other godly counselors.
Don’t believe every internet argument claiming your marriage covenant automatically ended because your spouse disappointed you, your expectations weren’t met, or you decided the relationship was too difficult.
YOU ARE ONE FLESH!
“Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.” — Genesis 2:24 (KJV)
You don’t cut off your arm because it has a scratch. You treat the wound, care for it, and give it an opportunity to heal.
Why would we be so quick to discard a marriage without first seeking healing and restoration?
Remember, your spouse is not automatically your enemy because you’re going through difficult times.
“Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil, as a roaring lion, walketh about, seeking whom he may devour.” — 1 Peter 5:8 (KJV)
The devil wants to destroy marriages, divide families, and turn husbands and wives against each other.
DON’T HELP HIM DO IT!
If you’re divorced or separated, don’t assume a judge’s decree automatically gives you biblical permission to pursue another relationship. Examine your marriage covenant in the light of Scripture, not simply what society or a convenient preacher tells you.
Seek godly counsel. Repent where you’ve been wrong. Forgive where you’ve been hurt. And where reconciliation is safe and genuinely possible, don’t close the door on what God may be able to restore.
Jesus said:
“If ye love me, keep my commandments.” — John 14:15 (KJV)
Marriage isn’t simply a legal contract that can be discarded when life becomes difficult. It’s a sacred covenant made before Almighty God.
“What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.” — Mark 10:9 (KJV)
